KingPin Heastie Takes a Dip After Canoodling With Dicks Point Sweetie


NASSAU| What in da hell is dis??!! Well BP was laying low near Eastern Road on Saturday waiting for the massive island-wide PLP motorcade to pass when suddenly our eyes caught something. It was leader of the BPL Freeport Cartel KingPin Whitney Heastie. 

Now BP was chewing on a straw and not really interested, but something else caught our attention. Heastie emerged from a condo at Dick’s Point known to us as a condo recently leased by BPL for Evis “Cruella D’Evil” Missick, the HR Manager for the power company who spends most of her time in KingPin Heastie’s office, close enough to look in his COVID-filled eyes and catch the deadly virus. 

BP pulled out a pair of binoculars and started to watch the scene in 3D. KingPin Heastie stood in the doorway of the condo canoodling with Cruella D’Evil and to describe it as exchanging bodily fluids is putting it lightly. 

When BP saw an eyeful we threw down the binoculars and reached for our cameras, but just when we focused our lens to snap the million dollar picture, D’Evil saw the glare of the lens and she pushed Missick off and ducked back in the condo. 

As she ducked back in the house, BP dived behind some shrubs. We were in full binoculars mode when we saw Heastie come out the house, look around and try to convince D’Evil that no one was watching her. She wasn’t convinced and Heastie decided to leave. 

Having missed that photo opp, BP decided to follow Heastie as he jumped into a 2021 brand new, fresh off the lot BMW. Well looka BPL money what da union members coulda get!! BP was disappointed because the ride was only about 5 seconds long. 

Heastie pulled out of the Dicks Point corner and pulled the spanking new BMW into a slot on the eastern part of Montague Beach. BP wasn’t about to miss another photo opp so we snapped the picture you see here of Heastie, “a satisfied man” going to take a dip in the sea just after canoodling with his sweetie. WHAT IN DA HELL IS DIS??!! Only in The Bahamas!!

Both KingPin Heastie and D’Evil Missick had COVID and did not quarantine for the entire time they should have. Instead of staying on the western side of town where she has been living since moving to Nassau from Freeport, Missick took the “plunge” and moved to Dicks Point where she could be closer to sweetie Heastie. ALL ON BPL’s MONEY!!! WHAT IS DIS??!

So back to the Heastie swim story ….. KingPin Heastie slowly swam out to sea and floated around for a while enjoying the waters. BP moved into the shoreline with binoculars in hand watching Heastie.

When Heastie spotted BP with the binoculars he turned into Olympian swimmer Michael Phelps and all we saw was the fish parting to make way for Heastie who was all out at top speed and only stopped short of swimming to Andros trying to get away from BP. What Heastie didn ‘t know is that BP is resilient. 

BP waited for a while, but the PLP motorcade of the century was passing and we had to go watch that so we left an agent on the beach to wait for Heastie. The BP agent reported that Heastie came out of the water at midnight with all of his bodily extremities in a wilted and shrunken state, made a dash for the BMW and sped off. THE POWER of BP makes men break curfew. WHAT IN DA HELL IS DIS??!!

Now BP wants to know where does this BMW come from all of a sudden? Heastie was known to drive a black Ford Taurus for the past four years. We guess the once City Market packing boy is moving on up like the Jeffersons.

We report! Yinner decide!!